Trouble in Paradise

I've been here a week now and I do have to note some things down, as not all is Paradisial, which is a word I have just cooked up but quite covers the load.

1. The intranet is slow, and hickups about every hour. I went to check on my protogee through my brought along mobile command unit and it froze. She at that time was just fighting rats, her systems froze and she lost her first Rifter. So I bought her a new one and checked in two days later. I watched her fight off some rats, it was quite beautiful, but the next batch... freeze, lag, boom... second Rifter. She kindly asked me not to check in on her until I was back. Now that's gratitude for ya...
2. Somehow they continuesly run out of wine, though it's free and I should think they would have a good supply line.
3. The bathtub is just a little too small for comfort for three. (you heard me).
4. It's at least fifteen minutes drive with the local transport to get to any nearest town. Not that the pleasure centre doesn't have everything one could desire, but still, if you wanted to visit the locals... fifteen minutes... really.
5. I am constantly beset on my friendly, but quite overattentive and even obnoxious fully rodents, birds, deer and the like. I ran when the bear wanted to give me a hug.
6. The fireplace doesn't stay on long enough, the logs, freely delivered to my cottage, only have so long a burning time. About each hour I, or one of my caretakers I keep around, have to prod and poke to keep the fire going. Now is it too much to ask for slow-burning logs??
7. The sauna is sometimes a little too hot. Plus it doesn't go higher than 110 degrees celcius. It is not that I WANT to be in it at 110 degrees, but still it clearly shows the limit of the so famous Risa hospitality.
8. I, or any of my charges, have to clean up after ourselves! Now Really!
9. the wishwasher, coffee-maker and sometimes even the sauna make noises when their on. Sigh.
10. The hot buns delivered fresh every morning are too hot when they come from the oven. Though we don't have to put them in ourselves and the oven turns on automatically 15 minutes before I awake (from the grinding of the fresh coffee maker, so I think there is a pattern there), their too hot all the same.
11. The light of the sun-sky (it's a mobile solar unit inside the cottage, truely an invention) is too bright. Though there is a nob on it to turn it lower, the nob is ON the sunsky and so too hot to turn lower... Sigh... There was a remote control for it when I got the cabin, but it got lost somewhere.
12. The Senseo coffee is sometimes just a little too sharp when I've put just not enough sugar in it.

And most of all... I got soo much free time on my hands here that I sometimes even go WALKING out in the woods that surround my cabin. I have time to THINK and RELAX! Now That I really can't abide.
Oh... 13... the windows that run from floor to ceiling and are about half the walling of the house, give a great view on the woods around, but also give any walker a view into the cottage. Though I'm no prude, even a bit of naturalist and exhibitionist, I don't like shocking other people who really have no business seeing my business.
I came to this last point after a walk where I saw a man and a donkey... I don't adress this further, I think you're already getting a nice mental picture... but no... it was worse. Yes, that kind of worse. I really didn't have to see that.

On the whole... I miss home, my ship, my pod, fighting for my life, dully mining while listening to reggae, talking to people through convo... That sorta sums it up.

But with an advertising phrase like 'We cater to your every fantasy' I still think I'm gonna sue. :)